Uh-oh

Uh-oh, I'm starting to have that feeling again. It's been happening more frequently and the idea isn't so abhorrent to me anymore. I look at those sweet pictures and those tiny clothes and think - just maybe. When all the kids are in the room with me I still look around for the missing child. Brian admitted he did it too.

Up until a few weeks ago I didn't want another child. Graedon has been a hard kid to deal with. Very needy and whiney. I didn't have as much time to just devote to him as I had home-schooling, housework and three websites to keep up. So I felt a little resentful everytime he wanted me to carry him around. Yes - I do feel guilty about it. Now that he crawls off to play and squirms when I pick him up to smother him with kisses.

So I'm working out again and trying to lose the last 15lbs so I can be a my pre-pregnancy weight. I always gain 50lbs with each pregnancy and always lose it within the first year. Not this time, lol. Maybe it's because I'm in my 30's. At least that is what I tell myself.

So maybe one of these days our "phantom child" will be a reality and we will be the proud parents of 6 kids. Better start saving for a new bus van.